Confessions of a HippopataMAMA (37.5 weeks and counting)

photo (6)
hippo hooks

Only 2 (ish) weeks left. If memory serves me correctly, and I’m sure it does, these last weeks will be downright miserable. So, in light of my 2ish weeks of misery…I feel inclined to share with you some confessions from this HippopataMAMA.

– I used to have 2 feet.

– I waddle or graze.

– I do not walk or run.

-I wish I owned a crane to get me out of chairs.

giant
my giant and me

– I wish I had a giant to carry me around.

– I will use better judgement next time someone says to me: “you look miserable.”

– I still haven’t bought anything for baby.

– I still don’t have a boys name picked out.

– I still haven’t unpacked any newborn gear.

– I’m due June 15th, but June 13th is a Friday.

index
hopefully I don’t birth a wolf

– And there’s a full moon.

– And. I. Am. Terrified.

– Of course, my dad #bud had a solution to my fear of delivering a Friday the 13th baby during a full moon: “Well, hell, that’s simple….just don’t look out the window!”

– We closed on a new house, and all I can think about is Oreo ice cream.

– I often wonder if anyone would notice if I just stopped wearing a bra.

– Maybe I already did stop.

sushi and wine
just stop

– I want a glass of wine.

– I want raw sushi.

– I don’t want a “push present”.

– I just want wine and sushi.

– Perhaps some sushi to go with my whine?

gangsta
ridin’ gangsta

– Did I mention Oreo ice cream?

– I can’t sit normally in a car anymore.

– I must recline, gangsta.

– I only wear flip flops.

– Even to my professional job.

– Long hair. Don’t care.

– I wish all stairs came equipped with an optional slide.

– I now have a better estimation of the space I need between a shopping cart and cash register. If it looks tight, it probably is. Nice try, slim.

– Same concept for parking spaces. No more inching out of cramped conditions.

– While we’re on the subject of parking spaces…if there is an “expectant mother” spot, and I catch you with your non visible “I’m here for my first ultrasound appointment” looking belly hogging that spot…I will get angry. Because HippopataMAMAs can’t walk fast or far.

slide
I envy these kids

– I am done here.

– Because I can’t think of anymore.

– Pregnancy Brain wins again.

*Of course, this will all be worth it soon enough…right?*

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Shanisty is a former award winning journalist who left the news business to chase her rug rats for a living. She shares real, raw and personable stories focusing on the ups and downs of parenting. Sign up to never miss a post!

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