1. The Sympathetic Bystander: who stands from afar watching you struggle to lift (and somewhat assemble) the extremely heavy double stroller you remind yourself was a great purchase.
2. The Jealous Parent: who places an infant car seat in the back of the shopping cart and sticks a toddler in the front seat. This person juggles grocery items, gallons of milk slipping out from the bottom of the cart, and the toddler screaming and reaching for the crayons hidden (unsuccessfully) behind the infant car seat…..yes, this was me a few weeks ago.
3. The Insulted Teenager: who can’t believe how wide of a load you are. You try to be polite and almost humorous by stating the obvious…”Excuse me, wide load coming through.” But your coy comment turns to insult when they aren’t sure if you’re talking about you or them.
4. The Fearful Childless Couple: who you may or may not have just run over. Hit and run in aisle 4!
5. The Judgmental Mom: who notices you sifting through the clearance rack at a store, looks down at the stroller and up at you with that glare and says, “I never take my side by side stroller shopping, it doesn’t fit anywhere and people get really annoyed.” Dear Judgy Mom: Don’t act like you’ve never been there before. P.S. your hair looks raggedy.
6. The Annoyed Employees: who have to pick up after your path of destruction. If you didn’t side swipe that cute cashmere sweater display with your hell on wheels, you can guarantee your toddler did. He doesn’t obey the “keep arms and legs inside the moving vehicle at all times” rule.
7. The Adoring Grandmas: who can’t wait to peak inside your stroller at the children all bundled up in their side pockets with their blankies. C’mon home with us, ladies…I invite all of you! I can’t wait for you to see the little “angels” in action.
8. The Amazed Fellow Shoppers: who can’t believe how you’re able to maneuver that much machinery through an obstacle course of cardboard displays, kiosks, and food courts.
9. The Bachelor/Bachelorette: who sees you from a mile away and suddenly thinks: Birth Control.
10. The Good Samaritan: who hears your kids screaming, sees you struggling to find a snack in the diaper bag, watches your Starbucks fall out of the cup holder and spill everywhere. (Which suddenly makes you want to throw a 2-year-old tantrum) This hero comes over, hands you some napkins and the cell phone you dropped, and softly says your 5 favorite words: “You’re doing a great job.”