Can I be completely honest here? I am beyond terrified of what is to come in the coming days.

I’m not talking about the huge responsibility of raising three hood rats, 3 years old and under. I’m not talking about the constant crying, challenging feedings or sleepless nights newborns graciously come equipped with. I feel like all that will come back like riding a bike. Naive? Perhaps. Optimistic? I’d say.

What I am terrified of is Labor and Delivery. Anyone who says it’s easy, I’m eye rolling you right now. This is the fear that keeps me up at night. Nightmares. Night sweats. I am more horrified of labor and delivery than I am to see how this election season unfolds. Selfish? Obviously.

Historically, epidurals have not worked in my favor. I attempted one with Luke and after 7 boosts, the hospital staff gave up. He was going to be delivered naturally with no drugs. 12 hours of labor and 3.5 hours of pushing. Hell. Homeboy had a big head.

Eden came so quickly. By the time we were set to go to the hospital I was in full blown, want to blow my brains out, labor. 9.5 centimeters dilated by the time I got checked into hospital. Nurses asking me questions about allergies and I was screaming there was a baby about to fall out! Eden was born within 45 minutes. No drugs. Hell. But it went so fast.

That’s the thing about babies. All of them are different. All deliveries are different. This one will be different than the other two…but that doesn’t calm my fears. Sweating in the middle of the night from anxiety/being the size of Shamu is causing restless nights.

My husband and I have talked ad nauseum about how we can make this one easier, but in the heat of it there is really nothing you can do but pray to get through it all alive! And to deliver a healthy baby.

I’d love some help/support/kick in the a**. What about you mamas? Anyone out there choose to not have an epidural (or perhaps they don’t work)? What do you do? What helps? I know breathing techniques, and I know there is no perfect answer. However, any advice is G R E A T L Y appreciated!!


A very honest/tired/scared/nervous/sweaty/Shamu mama