Calm down, stop dialing social services because of the title of this article. Listen, I love my children very much. It’s really hard to quantify my love for them because my heart literally bursts at the seams for each and every one of them. They are loved and cared for and live in a very safe home.
But, here comes the boom. I love my husband more. Let’s begin with the reasons why:
- He doesn’t ask me to wipe his butt.
- He understands what an “inside voice” is and exercises it when deemed appropriate.
- He respects the word “no” (trust me, sometimes he doesn’t want to hear it either).
- He picks up after himself (most of the time).
- He doesn’t throw himself on the ground in the Target parking lot when I tell him he cannot have another Rapunzel doll.
- He can go on a walk and not ask me to hold him every 30 feet.
- He can have an intelligent conversation with me beyond golf, Disney princesses, and what he ate for dinner.
- He likes the same kind of movies, and doesn’t ask to watch the same scene in one movie 4,837 times.
- He is a great date.
- I chose him.
Obviously this is very tongue and cheek, but number 10 is so important and really the focus of this article. I CHOSE HIM. God chose us to be the parents we are today, but we chose each other. Now, let’s ask a question.
Do you ever sit on the couch (probably watching Netflix, probably not “chilling”) and wonder who the hell the person is on the other side of the leather lounger?
You step back and suddenly realize you are so caught up in life (diapers, potty training, soccer games, ballet, preschool, carpool, doctor appointments, making meals) that you literally forget about your significant other. The one partner in crime who actually helped you get where you are today…love it, or hate it.
Dudes, life is hard. Raising humans is hard. Jobs are hard. Paying bills is hard. It’s easy to put your significant other on the back burner. I mean, they are the other adult in the household…surely they will understand.
Now, making more time for my husband doesn’t mean I stopped caring for my children because my husband needs his underwear washed. I also do not lay out the newspaper, kick off his shoes and rub his feet. Sick. Rub your own damn feet. It just means I work really hard at making time for us a priority.
It’s taken some undercover (not those covers) digging to figure out how this can be done with a job and three little monsters fighting over my attention. For us, it’s mainly quality time. We spend a lot of time when they kids go to bed sitting outside by the fire. Sometimes we drink, sometimes we don’t. We talk. We plan. We write down ideas. We discuss the future. We focus on us. Sometimes we kick the kids to their grandparent’s curb and get a date night. Whether it’s a 5 star restaurant or pizza at home, the focus never changes.
Two reasons why:
- These tiny humans we are raising are going to grow into school aged humans. And then off to college and the work field aged humans. And then it’s just us. Back to square one. One of my biggest fears is we’ll become strangers. I want to be more than a friendly “hello” in the morning and a polite “how was your day” in the evening. This is the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
- A healthy marriage translates into a happy household. It’s very important to me our three kids watch our relationship and learn. How we talk to each other, how we respect each other, how we interact with each other. Sure it’s not perfect. We argue just like the next couple, but it’s how we handle it that matters. I want our children to grow up and find spouses that are like-minded. I want them to have healthy marriages and happy households. I want them to take what they learned from us and implement it 30 years from now.
So, it starts now. I realize not all marriages are the same, but I do making your spouse a priority is important.
Want more, be more, do more. Our 60, 70, and 80 year old selves will appreciate the hard work we put in today. Not to mention, those tiny people are watching you.
Be the role models they deserve. Be the parents they aspire to be. Be the spouses they will one day become.
What are some of the ways you work on your relationship? Do you put your spouse first? Why or why not?