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I Love My Husband More than My Kids

Calm down, stop dialing social services because of the title of this article. Listen, I love my children very much. It’s really hard to quantify my love for them because my heart literally bursts at the seams for each and every one of them. They are loved and cared for and live in a very safe home.

But, here comes the boom. I love my husband more. Let’s begin with the reasons why:

  1. He doesn’t ask me to wipe his butt.
  2. He understands what an “inside voice” is and exercises it when deemed appropriate.
  3. He respects the word “no” (trust me, sometimes he doesn’t want to hear it either).
  4. He picks up after himself (most of the time).
  5. He doesn’t throw himself on the ground in the Target parking lot when I tell him he cannot have another Rapunzel doll.
  6. He can go on a walk and not ask me to hold him every 30 feet.
  7. He can have an intelligent conversation with me beyond golf, Disney princesses, and what he ate for dinner.
  8. He likes the same kind of movies, and doesn’t ask to watch the same scene in one movie 4,837 times.
  9. He is a great date.
  10. I chose him.

Obviously this is very tongue and cheek, but number 10 is so important and really the focus of this article. I CHOSE HIM. God chose us to be the parents we are today, but wchose each other. Now, let’s ask a question.

Do you ever sit on the couch (probably watching Netflix, probably not “chilling”) and wonder who the hell the person is on the other side of the leather lounger?

You step back and suddenly realize you are so caught up in life (diapers, potty training, soccer games, ballet, preschool, carpool, doctor appointments, making meals) that you literally forget about your significant other. The one partner in crime who actually helped you get where you are today…love it, or hate it.

Dudes, life is hard. Raising humans is hard. Jobs are hard. Paying bills is hard. It’s easy to put your significant other on the back burner. I mean, they are the other adult in the household…surely they will understand.


Maybe not.

Now, making more time for my husband doesn’t mean I stopped caring for my children because my husband needs his underwear washed. I also do not lay out the newspaper, kick off his shoes and rub his feet. Sick. Rub your own damn feet. It just means I work really hard at making time for us a priority.

It’s taken some undercover (not those covers) digging to figure out how this can be done with a job and three little monsters fighting over my attention. For us, it’s mainly quality time. We spend a lot of time when they kids go to bed sitting outside by the fire. Sometimes we drink, sometimes we don’t. We talk. We plan. We write down ideas. We discuss the future. We focus on us. Sometimes we kick the kids to their grandparent’s curb and get a date night. Whether it’s a 5 star restaurant or pizza at home, the focus never changes.

Two reasons why:

  1. These tiny humans we are raising are going to grow into school aged humans. And then off to college and the work field aged humans. And then it’s just us. Back to square one. One of my biggest fears is we’ll become strangers. I want to be more than a friendly “hello” in the morning and a polite “how was your day” in the evening. This is the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with.
  2. A healthy marriage translates into a happy household. It’s very important to me our three kids watch our relationship and learn. How we talk to each other, how we respect each other, how we interact with each other. Sure it’s not perfect. We argue just like the next couple, but it’s how we handle it that matters. I want our children to grow up and find spouses that are like-minded. I want them to have healthy marriages and happy households. I want them to take what they learned from us and implement it 30 years from now.

So, it starts now. I realize not all marriages are the same, but I do making your spouse a priority is important.

Want more, be more, do more. Our 60, 70, and 80 year old selves will appreciate the hard work we put in today. Not to mention, those tiny people are watching you.

Be the role models they deserve. Be the parents they aspire to be. Be the spouses they will one day become.

What are some of the ways you work on your relationship? Do you put your spouse first? Why or why not?

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  1. Amanda
    August 28, 2017 / 9:08 am

    I love this article! I could not agree more. This is so important. In my first marriage, to the father of my children, we did not do this and our relationship struggled and eventually ended. But I have another chance at an amazing relationship and we have talked about how this is so important to us. We are still raising children, now in a blended family setting, and we want them to see what a healthy, thriving relationship is. I want to grow old with this person and I want to enjoy their company and companionship when the kids are all grown and hopefully in their own healthy, fulfilling relationships. I feel like I am a better mother now that I am happy in my relationship. My kids will always be a priority, but my partner is who I will spend the rest of my life with.

    • Shanisty
      August 28, 2017 / 12:59 pm

      Yeah, I agree. And I think the language in my article was a little strong. Obviously, my love for all of them is pretty equal, but it’s making my husband a priority that’s really tough. It’s really really hard with little ones! I’m so happy you are in a healthy place in your marriage. Thanks for sharing!

  2. August 28, 2017 / 9:49 am

    I can definitely relate to this post – and I think more than anything it’s super important to remember to give each other time and attention outside of parental duties. It’s so easy to brush that aside. But I’m wish you – we chose our spouses and loved them first! Great post as always.

    • August 28, 2017 / 9:50 am

      *I’m with you, not wish you 🙂

    • Shanisty
      August 28, 2017 / 1:00 pm

      Thanks Julie! I know the title is a little harsh and I feel kind of like I neglected the kids with this writing, but that’s not the intention. It’s really important to remember the other adult in the household….which as we both know having needy wee ones is hard work! Thanks for sharing xx

  3. kimber1713
    August 30, 2017 / 11:09 am

    This is a great post and I believe a topic that needs to be talked about a lot more then it is. I too have recently decided to change my focus from my kids back to my husband mostly because my kids are old enough now and capable to take care of themselves- so that helps a lot. Also because it’s easy for the romance to die after being married for 15 years and like you said it all started with you and your husband, you chose him and I look at my marriage as the foundation of our family. Happy marriage happy family.

  4. Missy
    August 31, 2017 / 8:56 pm

    I randomly came across your “will you be my mom friend” blog on Facebook, and I immediately thought we were soulmates. So I had to read more and this was the first blog that came up and I swear you are my spirit animal! My husband is my absolute best friend. We only have one child (and for many reasons he may be our only) but, damn, raising a child is HARD! Our life isn’t what it used to be; Sunday Funday at the bar, coffee in bed while watching ESPN in the morning… we miss those days, but we wouldn’t trade our life as parents for anything. Someone recently told me that I should start a blog because of all the crazy stories I tell, and you’ve just inspired me to do it. Thank you for sharing!

    • Shanisty
      January 27, 2018 / 7:57 am

      Thank you for sharing Missy!!! Spirit animals for life 🙂

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